Some people notice teeth, others notice shoes, I notice good hair—likely because my own is so pitiful.

My dear friend Emily has the hair of a Disney character: dark, shiny, and flowing down her back. When we pose for selfies, I like to drape her long hair over my own so that others might think it’s mine. We all have our things, right?

Hair is a big thing in my family—our collective hair type is mostly lifeless and fine, but we come from the gospel that preaches, “The higher the hair, the closer to God.” My mother, who’s colored her light auburn locks a platinum blonde since I was a child, was recently in the hospital for a minor surgery. When she awoke in a medicine-induced haze, the first thing she asked was that I backcomb her hair to ensure each strand was in place and voluminous. It’s that serious.

My hair is naturally mousy brown and flatter than the state of Kansas. Within an hour of waking, it’s pulled into a baby bun or a wispy ponytail. I’ve dyed it every color of the rainbow and grown it from a pixie to lob length, but no matter how hard I try, it’s nothing more than a sad “meh.”

There are things that I want in this world more than anything: stricter gun laws, universal health-care, better parental leave policies, tweens to stop eating Tide Pods—the list goes on. But in the most human and selfish way, I also want really good hair. I want volume. I want height. I want Johnny Weir’s towering updo.

So I tried eight products that promised to add volume, thickness, and height to my fine hair. After a month of testing and ton of scary selfies, here are the results.

1. BioSilk Volumizing Therapy Texturizing Powder

BioSilk Volumizing Therapy Texturizing Powder, made with silk and rice proteins, claims to add volume while giving your hair a gentle clean. Typically, I use so much Johnson’s Baby Powder on my hair to get volume that my bathroom looks like the coke-strewn ladies’ room at an ’80s night club. I sprinkled this powder on my roots, and at first, it felt damp and sticky. I had to do a bit of massaging, but it delivered a massive amount of height and texture with zero spillage to the floor.

The verdict: I got ’80s-level volume (in a good way), and the texture made for a fantastic next-day topknot.

Provides a cool root lift to perk up any style throughout the day. With Hair Volume Complex, silk and rice proteins, this texturizing powder absorbs excess oils from roots, replacing it with uplifting volume and texture. UV absorbers protect hair from harmful rays.

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